Instructions: Read each of the situations below, then respond as through you were the person under attack, using a combination of two of the following: Asserting motives, redefining attacks, and humanizing contact. You will learn more if you try to think of multiple ways of responding, which use the skills in various ways. Remember on all of these, do not defend yourself. Even an reasonable explanation can sound defensive in a defensive climate. Avoid looking at my suggested responses until you come up with some of your own.
1. Larry ran into an old flame and stopped to chat a little. Several acquaintances saw them talking, and the meeting gets reported to Melanie, his present lover, who confronts him: “I heard you have been sneaking around behind my back.” [Suggested assertive responses.]
2. One night Stella stayed out longer than she planned. Her father is waiting when she returns home and says: “How can you be so inconsiderate? I was worried sick.” [Suggested assertive responses.]
3. Jane gets home tired. Her mother keeps asking about her day, and Jane keeps giving short, abrupt answers. Her mother finally says: “You're in a foul mood.” [Suggested assertive responses.]
4. When Bert tried out a new eggplant recipe, it didn’t look anything like the picture in the cookbook. Virginia says: “Gross! What's this stuff on my plate?” [Suggested assertive responses.]
1. Larry ran into an old flame and stopped to chat a little. Several acquaintances saw them talking, and the meeting gets reported to Melanie, his present lover, who confronts him: “I heard you have been sneaking around behind my back.” Possible variety of responses:
2. One night Stella stayed out longer than she planned. Her father is waiting when she returns home and says: “How can you be so inconsiderate? I was worried sick.” Possible variety of responses:
3. Jane gets home tired. Her mother keeps asking about her day, and Jane keeps giving short, abrupt answers. Her mother finally says: “You're in a foul mood.” Possible variety of responses:
4. When Bert tried out a new eggplant recipe, it didn’t look anything like the picture in the cookbook. Virginia says: “Gross! What's this stuff on my plate?” Possible variety of responses:
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Copyright 2001, Richard D. Rowley.
Last revised:
December 01, 2006
.