Chapter 1. Describe how a recent conversation satisfied identity, social, and practical needs.
The purpose of this assignment is to increase awareness of why we communicate. We are probably least aware of our physical needs for interaction with others. Psychologists agree that most of us would deteriorate mentally and physically if we did not have interpersonal communication of some kind in our lives. However, you do not have to include this need in your paper. Focus on the other three needs (identity, social, and practical) which are more immediate and concrete.
We are probably most aware of the practical needs which are satisfied through communication. Practical needs are those goals which we want to accomplish as we go about the business of living. They can be very focused, like buying a computer, but they may be much more general. For example, after a Christmas break I was talking with another faculty member who had driven to New York over the holidays. I was interested in his observations of hawk behavior on the trip. I would say this satisfied practical needs in the sense that I am interested in animal behavior. I find myself watching hawks as I drive also, although not in the scientific way that my colleague was watching them. So I left the conversation with some new understandings of hawk behavior.
Although it is less obvious, this same conversation satisfied identity and social needs. We gain a sense of who we are through communication, this fulfills identity needs. During our conversation we talked about field observations in the social and natural sciences. He observes animals; I observe human behavior. We discussed mathematical models which might help analyze sequences of animal actions and in human conversations. The tone of the conversation reinforced my self-image as a competent social science professional. As far as social needs (to be involved with others) are concerned, I felt closer to this colleague after the conversation concluded. It is through such conversations over time that we will establish a strong professional relationship with each other. I should add that it was an enjoyable conversation, which satisfies an additional social need.
Chapter 2. Describe an experience which shows how a reference group was important in defining your self-concept.
Later in the course, we will study how language helps us organize and understand the world around us by creating categories of objects and events. A more specific example of this is the function of reference groups in establishing our self-concepts. We perceive and label groups of people who share similar characteristics. They fit into these groups because they share similar characteristics. We see ourselves in terms of how much we fit the characteristics of a particular group. Note that just because we are officially a member of a group, does not mean we define ourselves by those characteristics. When I took my current position at MSJC, I became Communication Department Chair, a position I have never held before. So I become an official member of a group of people called Department Chairs, but my self-image was still much more of a department member. It has changed, however, over time, as I see myself acting more and more like a Department Chair.
Let me give a specific example. During the final exam period of Fall 1999, I received a Christmas card and coffee mug from the Instruction Office. I was pleased to receive it, but I suddenly realized that I had not sent any Season's Greetings to the Associate Faculty who teach for my Department. So although I was a Department Chair, I could see that I was not acting like one as much as I could have been. As I incorporated more administrative behavior into my role at school (that is, became more like the Department Chair reference group), my self-concept continued to change. For example, I keep in better touch with my Associate Faculty, including sending cards during the holidays.
Chapter 3. Illustrate an effect of first impressions using a recent personal example where the person turned out to be different from what you first thought. Tie in other relevant concepts from the chapter.
The key to these application papers is to focus as specifically as possible. In this case, think of someone who you recently met: a teacher, another student, a new neighbor, a supervisor, a coworker. What was your first impression? What did you base this first impression on? How did this first impression affect the way you reacted to this person? How accurate do you think you were, based on later information you discovered about this person? If the person turned out to be different that what you thought, how difficult has it been to adjust your perception of him or her?
Depending on the circumstances, you may draw in other concepts from Chapter 4. You might enter a math class with a stereotype of what a math professor is like. You might meet someone who is stunning in his or her appearance, which blinded you to some of their other characteristics. You might have made assumptions that the person you met, say at a religious gathering, was more like you than he or she really is. A negative impression of a coworker might have overshadowed some of the more positive aspects of the person at first. You might realize that your gender, age, or mood have affected the first impression of another student in one of your classes.
Chapter 6. Discuss one of more of your listening habits which reduce understanding of messages others send, using at least one specific experience.
I have been guilty of a number of these poor listening habits in the past. One of the advantages of teaching this material is that I get a chance to think about my communication skills every semester. Therefore, over the years, I have worked hard on my listening skills. You may also have improved in your listening in the process of maturation and becoming involved with new people in new situations. You don't have to be a terrible listener to have some weaknesses which interfere with your understanding at times. This paper is intended to increase your consciousness about them (i.e. pseudolistening, stage hogging, selective listening, filling in the gaps, insulated listening, defensive listening, and ambushing).
One of the weaknesses I realize I haven't fully conquered is defensive listening. There are times when I react to a harmless remark as though it were an attack of some kind. My mother tended to be indirect in expressing her judgments and expectations, so I tended to react before I figured out how harmless her comments really were. For example, one evening I was playing a Chieftains album, The Long Black Veil. Since she was born in Scotland, I thought she might like the Irish sound of the Chieftains. The album is not very traditional, I'm afraid. The guest artists include Sting, Mick Jagger, Mark Knopfler, Tom Jones, Sinead O'Connor, and Van Morrison. It was on the Van Morrison song, "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?" that my mother said, "That doesn't sound very much like Irish music to me." Well, she was right, it didn't, but I was hoping she would like it, and I took that comment as a criticism. I had nothing to defend, but I felt defensive anyway. Fortunately, I just acknowledged the comment without showing how I was feeling.
Chapter 10. Discuss the defense-provoking behavior which annoys you most, using a recent example and analyzing how you responded to the behavior.
Defensiveness is aroused when a person feels that his or her human value or self-image is questioned. This application asks that you to illustrate one of Gibb's categories of defensive behaviors: Evaluation, control, strategy, neutrality, superiority, or certainty. If you are like me, you will find all of these attitudes annoying at least. Therefore, most of you will have a lot to choose from in this assignment. It will be a matter of finding a recent, relevant example and describing your response.
We may be less aware of neutrality, but like disconfirmation (discussed earlier in the chapter), we tend to feel devalued and defensive in the face of a neutral listener. I can think of a good example of how the communication of professionals can be experienced as neutrality, although it did not happen to me. One of my grad school professors, Dr. Dan Millar, fell on the golf course and cut his hands severely. His friends wrapped them as best they could and drove him to the nearest emergency room. At the check-in desk, the nurse began asking him questions in a businesslike manner: "What's your insurance company?" "Are you allergic to any medications?" You know, the usual questions. It was the tone of her voice to which he responded with defensiveness, as he held his hands out and bled over her forms. I understand he received immediate attention. This is not to justify his behavior, but to show how we tend to feel when we are not treated with a certain amount of empathy.
Chapter 4. Discuss how your formal name and/or nicknames have affected your identity, using at least one specific illustration.
Our names have a powerful influence on how we see ourselves. Read the section "Naming and Identity" (pp, 87-88) carefully. My example will be very unique to me, and I expect your analysis will be quite different from mine. Throughout my life, my family called me Richard. They continued even though they must been aware that all my friends called me Rich. I chose Rich as a nickname beginning my Sophomore year of high school. We moved into a new town that year, which gave me an opportunity to create a new identity for myself, much less defined by my family and more the independent person I wanted to be. I introduced myself in my classes and to kids who would later become my friends as Rich. I specifically avoided Rick or Dick. The k-sound seemed too hard for the way I saw my personality (and my father was called Dick). I wanted to be easy to get to know and comfortable to be with. To me, Rich suggested this. Through the years, few friends have ever tried to give me any other nickname. Recently I have been inconsistent when introducing myself, especially in more formal situations. My official signature has remained Richard D. Rowley, because I perceive it to be more professional. Times have changed also. Richard now sounds less formal than it did thirty years ago, and a number of new friends seem to prefer the longer form. I don't know whether this is a transition or just a phase. We'll see.
Chapter 5. Describe and analyze a recent conversation, focusing on your position within the environment and the physical distance between you and the other person.
Each of us are surrounded by an individual spatial bubble within which we feel comfortable interacting with others. We don't pay much attention to the bubble unless someone comes too close or stays too far away for our perceptions of the relationship, the topic of conversation, or the formality of the situation. To write this paper, you could choose any conversation, but it might be most interesting to analyze an experience when you were uncomfortable because the distance felt too close or too far. It would help to refer to the text discussion about the common distances which people keep in this culture.
Chapter 7. Describe a recent experience in which you had mixed emotions. Use the list in the Self-Assessment (pp. 184-185) to express the emotions as specifically as possible.
When you delve into almost any emotional experience, you are likely to find mixed emotions. This assignment is intended to increase awareness of the complexity of emotional responses. The text provides a good treatment of emotions. Since emotions vary so widely across situations, any example I might give as this point could lead you away from a significant experience of your own. It will be interesting to discuss their diversity in class.
Chapter 8. Compare the direct request with another of the compliance-gaining strategies, using a recent experience.
There are many ways we try to get what we need and want in our relationships. The text provides a representative sample of compliance-gaining strategies. I'd like you to think about the types you or others use to obtain cooperation. As usual with these assignments, if you pick a specific example, it will give you the opportunity to go into a certain amount of detail in comparing a direct approach with another type. Recently, for example, a neighbor was packing to move to another location. He said something like, "Hey, I heard that you have an extra trash barrel." I replied that I didn't, but my barrel wasn't full, so if he needed to borrow it, that would be fine. It turned out that that's what he wanted. Clearly he took an indirect approach. He had been talking about how much his family had accumulated over the years, so his comment hinted that he had more trash than his container would hold. Although he didn't invoke the norm of reciprocity, I felt like I owed him something because he had jump-started my pickup a few months before.
I didn't mind his indirect approach or letting him fill up my trash container. The indirect approach is a polite way for people to hint about something they would like from you. It allows both parties to save face if you don't want to grant the request. If I hadn't wanted to lend him the container, I could have said, "No, when I moved in I had Waste Management pick up the second barrel." By conveniently ignoring the nature of the request, I could have maintained social decorum. I have different expectations about people I know well, however. If this had been a good friend, I would have been offended by the indirectness of the approach. I would have wanted him to say, "Could I put some trash in your container this week?" I don't think I should have to guess what someone close to me wants.
Of course, I don't expect you to feel the same way. Tailor your discussion to your values and experience.
Chapter 9, Discuss the potential benefits relating for a recent important self-disclosure you made or might contemplate making (see pp. 246-250).
The text provides a variety of reasons (from catharsis to self-defense) why people self-disclose . In this application, I'd like you to discuss the various reasons for which you self-disclose, using a specific example. By this time in the course, you are well aware that I make self-disclosures which are relevant to the material we cover. A large part of my purpose has to do with reciprocity--I know that if I disclose, students will be encouraged to disclose in return. (This could also be seen as social influence in the way that the text uses the term, because my strategy is premeditated, but I don't mean it to be manipulative in any self-serving sense.) However, other purposes are served by my self-disclosure in class, especially the first time I choose to reveal something. I remember the first time I selected my AARP card as an example of an object for the self-concept exercise. I wasn't exactly sure where it was going to lead, but I found myself saying aloud for the first time that I saw myself as middle-aged. It was an important experience in self-clarification as I explored the implications which this had for my communication. Using this example early in the class seems to have the effect of enhancing my relationship with students. It shows that I care about interpersonal communication and want to establish an informal relationship which will allow honest interpersonal communication to develop in the class.
Chapter 11. Describe and analyze a recent dysfunctional conflict that you have had, using selected symptoms in this chapter (see pp. 298-301).
I know that some of you don't have many conflicts, dysfunctional or otherwise, while others probably wonder which one to choose. You can go as far back as you want to come up with one which allows you to analyze the symptoms discussed in the reading material. My goal for this assignment is to increase your awareness of the problems of polarization, isolation, coercion, escalation, drifting, shortsightedness, and negative results inherent in dysfunctional conflict. You don't have to write about them all, but try to remember an instance when a number of these symptoms occurred.
Chapter 12. Discuss your values related to achievement and nurturing, using a specific example.
Have you had an experience which highlighted your values on this value dimension? Many people with whom I have talked say they value both, and in our relatively affluent culture, many of us have the luxury of being able to achieve and nurture at the same time. But what happens when a situation arises in which have to lean one way of another. Say you got a wonderful job offer in another part of the country, which would require you to move away from friends and family who are counting on your day-to-day support. It's those kind of choices that bring out our stronger values.
I have had many experiences which reflect the value I place on nurturing. Bringing my mother to live with me for the last two years of her life is certainly one of those experiences, but I will describe another which also puts into perspective my values with regard to achievement. This is an old one--it relates to my first community college teaching position. I was married to Brenda, whom I will have mentioned in class by this time in the semester. After a year at the University of Minnesota where she had completed a Master's Degree in library science, she returned to our home in a small city in central Wisconsin. There were not many library positions available in that rural area, so I approached the college administration and asked them to split my position with Brenda, giving her a part-time position as college librarian and leaving me with a part-time position in Communication. I wanted to give her the opportunity to develop her career, and the effect on my career was not particularly important to me. Throughout my life, I have made decisions about my career based on the effects they would have on the relationships in which I was involved at the time. This was one of them.
Last revised: January 12, 2005.
Copyright 2005, Richard D. Rowley.